Inspired Flight

I mix emotion up with thoughts and the outcome's bliss. 
Inhibition ain’t my boss, without a doubt take risks. 
A slow dance with destiny, and her hands I grip. 
She quick, but I chase; freeze, tag, I'm it.

http://inspiredflight.bandcamp.com/track/its-the-chemicals-feat-scarub

O Brother, Where Art Thou?

I love this film, and I love this line:

You seek a great fortune, you three who are now in chains. You will find a fortune, though it will not be the one you seek. But first... first you must travel a long and difficult road, a road fraught with peril. Mm-hmm. You shall see thangs, wonderful to tell. You shall see a... a cow... on the roof of a cottonhouse, ha. And, oh, so many startlements. I cannot tell you how long this road shall be, but fear not the obstacles in your path, for fate has vouchsafed your reward. Though the road may wind, yea, your hearts grow weary, still shall ye follow them, even unto your salvation.


Just Brilliant.

Give me a break

So yesterday I got the all clear from my physio...good result.

However myself and a friend went for a drink, now I don't really want to drink any more, but I did nonetheless and it was good fun.

However at about four in the morning my LEFT shoulder subluxed. Not the RIGHT which I have just got the all clear for.

I mean come on give me a fucking break. I was feeling really good, my shoulders were behaving, I was gymming regularly with no pains at all. Now I have a painful left shoulder which, as past has taught me, will sublux again in the next few days before taking around three weeks to 'settle down'. It's been about 4 months since it last subluxed, I thought it was past that, clearly not. Yet this time there is substantial pain where as before there usually is not.

So now I'm really quite pissed off. This means I have to rehab my left shoulder, I have to be careful when I'm lay in bed, I need to be careful not to move it to quickly, all for fear of it doing it again. Just when everything was starting to piece together.

Fuck My Life.

Perhaps I can spin this into a positive?

Perhaps it is a sign that all though I have been given the all clear, I should get the rest of my body 110% before I do anything else? Well I don't have much choice in the matter now.

Cheers Shoulders, You pair of useless cunts.

On the 26th Novermber 2011 I wrote..
"...well I have Dad, I've done you proud, and I will keep doing so forever, and I hope you don't mind but I might just get your initials tattooed on my wrist so that just in case I ever waver in life I have an instant reminder of everything I stand for, my morals, beliefs, motivations and my main source of inspiration. You were a fantastic dad, and my best friend, and if I can be half the man you were I will be satisfied. I think I've made a good start. Love you always. "

Well I did Dad.

Money?

I'd rather be poor and live for the moments that money cannot buy,

than be rich and live for the experiences that one buys with money.

- Jack Stephen Wetherbee.

Grave.

I put some flowers on an unattended grave today.

Partly because doing so features in the book

"this book will change your life" by Ben Carey & Henrik Delehag

but also I think because I wanted to do something selfless. But then when is anything selfless when we are often driven to do it to make ourselves feel better?

To be honest I wanted to put some flowers on the grave of an old neighbour of ours, dad used to, and I guess I felt I should be keeping up the tradition. Finding the grave was impossible, so I lay some flowers on an unnamed grave and on my old maths teachers stone. Mark Stevenson.

Did I do it because I wish I could do something for Dad? I think so. I would like to have a place to go, at the moment his ashes are under the bed in the spare room. Yer because that was his favourite place ever! Soon he will be on the golf course on his favourite fairway. Much more dignified.

A place to go, to be near to him, to talk to him. We all need that Everyone needs that.

Shower

Just found this, I think I wrote it 2 months ago.

these tears filled with spite, regret, and anger, are cleansed only with the water from above, yet nothing changes, the clean water replaces the burdened tears, but the origin of the emotion remains deep within.

Nothing can cleanse these tears, nothing.