That's it, I've broken, I've had enough of Hereford. It has been slowly choking me of life for a few months now and I really cannot take it any more. My best friend is no longer here, I don't like going out in Hereford, I'm getting bored of doing everything by myself, I'm getting bored of being the only one interested in things I'm interested in. That probably sounds selfish, but what is the point in doing anything unless it makes you happy, and right now shared experiences are the only happy ones. I'm even bored of riding my bike, I'm bored of the local gym, even swimming which I have only recently taken up, it isn't going to hold my interest for much longer. I need something radical. I've always had something radical in the bag to keep myself entertained. Travelling the world for example, then uni, then competing in dh races, even rehabilitating my shoulder was something radical that gave me purpose and meaning. I strive for purpose, I strive for meaning, I strive for motivation to get out of bed in the morning.

What is my purpose, meaning and motivation right now?

Honestly I do not know. There is not much about me right now that is stopping me from merging into a nobody, permeating into society as one of those people in the streets you never notice, they are there, they make up 90% of the high street, but you don't notice them. I want to be the exciting 10% with a story, with passion, drive. I'd like to think I have been in that 10% a lot, is that arrogance? Lets call it determination and drive, all three can go hand in hand but arrogance doesn't have to be a bi product.

What can put me back in that 10%, how can I regain my purpose?

I need a new direction,

S.H.W

How can you physically miss someone this much?

How can you think about someone this much everyday?

I only see you in my dreams now, that will never be enough.

I would do anything, absolutely anything just for a hug, just to see you smile at me.

Why can't I see you smiling.

Why won't you smile for me?

Blocked

The more I think about writing in here, the more difficult it becomes to find something to write about. Before this recent affair with blogging, I just blogged when something major had happened in my life, so, one would suggest nothing major has happened in my life for a while, well that's kind of true. But I feel like I should blog about other things as well, but then it is this notion that has led me to this sticky situation in which I really don't know what to write about or where to start...

Ironic I know, that I am now blogging about not knowing what to blog about, but it is really starting to bug me and it got me thinking back to a previous blog, and the saying...

...well not a saying but more a philosophical idea...

..."the more we look the less we find"...

Is that just massively sceptical? realistic? Both? Well it got me thinking that this is the essence of writers block, a write needs to write, and it is that necessity to write that drives his or her creative block. Perhaps that is one theory of many anyway. This has all stemmed from my sudden viewing of the programme "Californication" in which a writer moves from New York to Cali with his family. He faces some serious writers block, at least, in-between the small posts on his blog he does make. This character has been sent to Cali to write, surely the pressure to write would create a block?

Perhaps the pressure (totally unnecessary and not even pressure to be fair) that I have put (had put on me?) to write more is creating a block for me. Perhaps I should tone it down a notch, treat my blog how I treated it before; not something I should go to regularly regardless of inspiration, but visit in times of need, want, emotion. After all it is emotion that drives creativeness, emotion that drives life itself. 

Anyway, since when did this blog become about anyone else...that's right it didn't. 

What is truly yours will eventually be yours

I love this, It is making me realise that I should not apply for jobs for the sake of it, because it is what is expected of me, but instead what I truly want to do will become apparent in time. It has also prompted me, of the necessity to remind myself that I should not look for what I desire in life. When we look we do not find. It is when we are not looking that we are found.

Smile.

I've just got my car back from the garage.

New Air flow meter, Wash jets', pipes and valves, labour and VAT all came to £411.78.

Was it worth it? I was doubting it all until just now, I've just come back from the gym, I booted the car home, the engine feels like it's had a new lease of life, now whether that was me cleaning the throttle body, or the new air flow meter (probably the latter) I don't know, but shiiit did it make a difference! 

I pulled out of the Weobley turn onto the main road and floored it up to 60mph in about 6 seconds before hitting 95mph, bouncing off the red in every gear until I ran out of road. Funnily enough a few seconds later my fuel light came on, which was quite apt I thought. So there I was cruising at 80mph on the way home, corning like the car is on rails and finally a smile breaks through my stubborn scowl. 

So for the luxury of being able to do that, despite having to dip into savings to keep my car running, I think it was worth it. But just in case there was any doubt...

Before I carry on I should clear some points up otherwise this won't make much sense. So essentially my windscreen washers haven't worked since I bought the car (the jets not wipers) which proved to make long journeys quite interesting, by the by I have coped for 4 months, yet only recently decided to get them fixed.

It was on the way to the gym that I realised I had fully operational wipers. Well just acknowledging this phenomenon turned me into an over excited 5 year old in a toy store and that was before I even tried them out. This is so lame, but in that second I had a massive smile on my face, I was so excited to try out my windscreen wipers. There certainly wasn't any anti climax, I turned them on,  (I can just hear the innuendos in my mind now, sorry) and instantly fluid was spraying out the jets covering the entire windscreen...

...I'm not going to lie, I laughed out loud in hysteria...ALOT. 

Haters Gunna' Hate, but I love my car, regardless of whether you do or not, It makes me Smile, and you should hold onto the things in life that make you smile, because they can often be few and far between.

My car makes me SMILE, so for now it is staying :)

Just how easily could you up roots and move to another country for three years?

We all moan about this country, at least on some level, whether its about politics, finance, or the most likely of the top topics we Blighty Brits like to moan about...the weather. But do we really have it in us to leave?

I'm 23. I'm still young, but that's 23 years of friendships, connections, knowledge and experience in a country that has become very familiar to me, very comfortable to me, and a place which yes I moan about, but a place I also love to be in. So when I received a phone call this morning (which woke me up) with a casual proposition of meeting the UK managing director of a large company regarding taking on a new job in Australia, I was more than speechless.

An hour later, and all the speculation I had ever mulled over regarding such an event (basically wandering whether I really could leave the UK if I were asked) is suddenly forced into the forefront of my mind, for this time around there is no speculation of a hypothetical scenario, this is real, I have to seriously think about this.

Coincidentally on my drive home from work a few weeks ago I was making a list of all the things that were keeping me in Herefordshire...There was very little on the list.

So the next question...What is keeping me in the UK?...well Friends, Family, Familiarity for a start.

Friends

But my friends are all over the place and I can't keep on travelling around to see them...can I ?

Of course  I can, Nowhere is too far away in the Uk. Yet Oz to Uk is £1000+ and a day flight followed by crippling jet lag for a week. My friends mean a lot to me, of course I will make friends in Oz straight away, but maybe I don't want to make an entire new life for myself, maybe I'm comfortable with the way things are here. Conversely I can think of two people who have just left for Canada for a year, another friend who now lives in New York, and a couple other friends who are soon off to Canada for a year maybe more, and there are others that are planning to move out of the uk to chase something else in life.

Family

Same as friends.

Familiarity

I love the South West, I love the Lake District, I love Yorkshire and the Mores, I love the Rural West Midlands, I love Wales. I love the variety of the UK, I hate the constant rain, but when the sun shines in the UK there is nothing quite like it. I know where to go for a good surf, a good ride etc. However Oz is one of the best places to surf in the world, and the weather is nearly always good. I've spent two months in Oz and it's a pretty wild place, they have a good way of life, and making a decent living is still an accessible thing for young people like myself.

What do I want right now?

I want to move out of home and have my own place with a job I enjoy, a good wage, and plenty of time to take holidays and travel to some sweet locations. That in it's self will involve making new friends and not leaving my current friends behind, which would be the case if I went to Oz.

Besides I can recall having conversations with people about Oz, and I remember myself often saying I liked it, but it was all just a bit full on, a bit over the top. But I was travelling by myself at 18 years old so when you have never travelled anywhere by yourself before, where ever you go is going to be like that. Essh this is such a crazy thing to have to think about. Oz could be really good, I could make some serious money, work hard, play hard, but then I could potentially have all that here if I land a great job here. Ahhhh.

The last 24 hours have been mental! Yesterday afternoon I had a chat with Simon about working for Robus, that in itself put a lot of thoughts in my head. Then I ended up at a Wu Tang Clan gig which was totally unexpected, and now I've just been woken up by a phone call asking if I can see the managing director who is interested in getting me out to Australia, all within 24 hours! It's not like I even said that much to Simon that would actually impress him. Simon said I could be earning silly money out in Oz...

Does this all sound too good to be true?

Well anyway I'm seeing Mark on Monday back down in Cheltenham, so I can get more details together and go from there.

Life is not simple. I guess then it would be pretty boring too.

Inspired Flight

I mix emotion up with thoughts and the outcome's bliss. 
Inhibition ain’t my boss, without a doubt take risks. 
A slow dance with destiny, and her hands I grip. 
She quick, but I chase; freeze, tag, I'm it.

http://inspiredflight.bandcamp.com/track/its-the-chemicals-feat-scarub