I don't even know where to start, since my last post so much has happened. But perhaps the most important thing is that I've plateaued at a steady positive level.
I went home for Easter and had such a good time, within hours of being back in herefordshire I was sat on top of a local common which has a view of the whole of north hereford. I was up there with some good mates, some beer and some smokes, and it was perfect, and it was in that moment that I kneww things were starting to turn for the better.
Since that moment they really have. I went on to have some good nights out, and even hooked up with a local girl who, frankly, I've liked ever since I met her years ago.
Hereford was so good I didn't want to leave for Plymouth, but I did leave as I had to revise ALOT for my exams.
I sat my exams, the first one was emotional, nothing exam related, I just felt the pressure of wanting to do well for my dad, no one else. The exams went ok ish, and I get the results in July, but I also have three more exams in September as I chose to spread them out on the premise that I will do better with more time.
that revision period was tough, and everyone kept giving me jip if i so much as made a comment about how hard the revision was
"what ever jack you've only got three exams" - its hard to tell your best mates to fuck off, so I just stayed quiet, in fact, I ended up not revising with them for the best part. I know they never meant anything bad, but I think they did at times lack the relevant insight into just exactly what I'd been through, and anyway, I was revising just as much as them, alas, that was in the past and changes nothing.
Post revision was, and still is proving to be very messy. I've pretty much drunk every day since my exams here in Plymouth, then I went home, and carried on drinking.
So much has happened that I could blog about, but I don't think I'm going to, they are my memories.
Only in the last few days have I felt some what, lost, I'm not sure why, I think it might be because everyone is off traveling, I'm staying here, and also that, I don't know, I feel like I'm missing someone, not just dad, but someone else, or maybe something* I don't know. I'm sure it will resolve. How can it not with glasto next week, Paris afterwards and a stag do after that, my poor liver.
Though all I have to do is look through the photos of the past few weeks to realize a) just how lucky I am to have the friends I have and b) how positive I've been. Positive enough to enjoy myself, alot!
I wish I could carry on drinking, having good times, and generally being merry, but something always smacked you back into reality. Don't worry I've had my momentsI love the above picture, Unless you know, you kinda don't notice that I'm flat on my front lay in the sun, hungover to shit! see me now? haha
So yes, things have slowly begun to fall back into place, I feel positive most of the time, and I think I'm happy, I'd like to have someone to share things with, but for now I should just be happy that my own life is back on track, I even got my licence back today, It seems like only yesterday I was blogging in here about how I would have to hand it in, and worse still, tell my parents what had happened. How time flys.
I need to blog soon about my feelings on dad, for my own mental soundness
Until then x