Monday, 28 February 2011


This is my new Project, a 2009 Specialized Sx Short. Only three in the Uk apparently. Im going to build it up over the next few months, so by the time im fixed and my arm is fully recovered and back to strength this bike should be read to rip. Going for a light build, strength isnt paramount as I wont be riding full on downhill, more trail riding, possibly some 4x

Going to be a beast!

Saturday, 26 February 2011


I feel really lost.

I want to speak to Dad.

Tell him whats going on in my life.

Make sure Im still doing him proud.

Hear some words of wisdom, some inspiration,

Its so unfair, so fucking unfair.

Its a weekend, the sun is shining, if I was back home he would be out in the garden, washing the car, I could pop out, sit on the bench with him whilst he drinks his coffee, and just talk, have a laugh, joke about things.

I just want to talk to him, sit with him.

but I can't ever again, that's the worst of all.

I don't know what to do with myself anymore.

Tuesday, 22 February 2011

Sunday, 20 February 2011


Wishes everyone would just stop telling me what I should or shouldn't be doing!

Its my shoulder and I know what I can and cant do with it, I know its limits, you're not the one with an arm in a sling, so stop the lectureing!

I know everyone has the best of intentions, but fuck me, do I really need everyone to tell me how to live my life for the next 6 months?

No, I dont.

You can't do you dissertation because your arm is in a sling, and you cant use it until June. blahh blahh blahh

ok fine I'll do nothing for 6 months then...that will go down a fucking treat wont it.

Friday, 18 February 2011

For every week...

I had a seriously good cry today. No beating about the bush, the tissues were out, my nose was running and I was mopping my eyes and nose with the same tissues!

I had read about people feeling quite contented before being overwhelmed with emotion and wandered when it would happen to me. Well it happened after my shoulder appointment today, hearing you have two more weeks in a sling, followed by no activity until June, and then another two months of training before I can surf does not bode well for someone who already has nothing really worth getting out of bed for.

I cried because for the first time since dad passed away I really needed to call him up, talk face to face and for him to tell me everything will be fine, I know for a fact that he would say one sentence and everything would be better and I would be feeling more positive. Of course there was none of that, its all very well being able to dish out advice, but to take your own advice can often be difficult. So I broke down. Mum says all the right things too and is fantastic, but it was just that this was the first time I really needed dad. Don't get me wrong i miss him every waking minute, but it just struck me today that i can never phone him up again for advice. I even foresaw this event, I knew that as soon as i really needed dad around, that that would be the moment I cave. He was on my 'wavelength' so much that he knew what i thought, how i felt about things and as a result knew exactly how to tackle me to get me on the straight and narrow again, he would do it all effortlessly as well. For the months dad was in the hospice I just got by, I just got on with life and there weren't really many situations were I needed his reassurance, and if I did, I could always go and seem him, even if he wasn't entirely sure what was going on I could just sit by his bed and hold his hand, he didn't even have to be conscious to be reassuring, just being in the same room as him was enough.

I needed that today, but it hasn't made me feel a whole lot better, if anything it's just made me realize even more just how much I miss him.

Monday, 14 February 2011

Song of the Week #6

Well, I had no idea what was going to be song of the week until Sunday. I watched a video on you tube and this song was playing in the background.

Its called 'Kiss with Fists' and its by 'Ki: Theory'

Real nice mellow vibe, I can see this being played a lot in the coming weeks, they have some other good songs too, especially 'The Smallest Piece'

Saturday, 12 February 2011

Three Weeks In

I'm pretty sure everyone is fed up of hearing me moan, so I was thinking about not writing anything, but, the whole reason I'm writing in here is not for you, its purely for me, OK the songs of the week and other random crap is less for me and more for you, kinda, but the detailed log of my unlucky streak, health etc is for me. So having temporarily deluded myself, Ive seen sense again, as a result I think I need to type in here, I don't even know what I'm about to type, so apologies if its shit, but I need to write something, Ive spent a whole week feeling a mixture of emotions.

Ive only been in Hereford for the past week because Ive pretty much been instructed to by a family friend, who just happens to be a retired anaesthetist. In talking to him, we established that returning to Plymouth would not be a good idea as the general anesthetic will still be having an effect on me, and although putting myself in the library all day will make me feel better about myself, he said there is a very good chance absolutely none of it will make sense, that's if you could keep your eyes open. To be fair he has been spot on, Ive spent most of this week dozing in and out of consciousness, a direct result of clockwork Diclofenac, Solpadol and Tramadol, and probably the reminiscence of my general anesthetic. In fact whilst we are on the topic of general anesthetic, whatever I was given when I was in the pre op room was absolutely mind numbingly fantastic. I think it was Propofol, a drug used to induce unconsciousness whilst other drugs are administered. Well right before I delved into the depths of that unconsciousness I got a taste of what Profonol can do to you whilst your conscious, and all I can say is it puts morphine to shame, I instantly had mild double vision, there were suddenly two clocks on the wall and the people around me were swaying, but at the same time I was in complete nirvana, so floaty, so distant, then it all ended and I was out cold, next thing I'm dopey as anything in a recovery room.

So as long winded as that was, that is the primary reason Ive been stuck at home all week. Its driven me insane, I cant escape, I can barely brush my own teeth let alone keep myself occupied. Right now the last thing I want to be doing is nothing. Mum and Matt have been keeping busy, doing extra work or spending more time in the garden, just so that their mind is kept active, as soon as you stop you think about dad. Well I haven't had the opportunity to keep busy to avoid stopping, so Ive been in bed most days, unable to concentrate on anything, and yes dad has been on my mind, hes on my mind every waking minute, (and sleeing minute) but, for some reason I'm not very emotional, still numb to it all. However it doesn't take much to change that. I think that I think dad is still going to walk through the door, or that hes on holiday or he's gone away, like Ive said before I can quite easily type here that I know I'm never going to see him again, but the just feel like empty words with no meaning, it feels like a lie.

Some times it takes years to get back to normal/recover/accept what ever you want to call it. Do you ever get back to normal? will things ever feel the same again? I know that our house is very quiet, my brother came around last night and it was so bizarre to think that just the three of us, that that is the Wetherbee family now. not four, three. There is no banter, no laughter, no mockery, me and dad fired on the same wave length to such an extent that anything and everything was easily turned into a joke, that's all gone, Ive got no one to bounce off anymore. ok so now i get emotional. so I'm left wandering around this empty silent house that's got an incomprehendable hole in it. I'm in a sling, I cant escape, I cant do anything about it. My coping strategies have gone out the window, I cant go for a three hour surf session, three hours of nothing but focusing on surf, I cant go for a bike ride either, nothing. I just get to moap around the house soaking up the loss.
That's about all I feel at the moment is an epic sense of loss, an epic hole in my life, and an huge amount of sadness. I think Ive had one day in the last, well, months really that Ive felt positive, I knew it wouldn't last long and it didn't, it lasted until that evening. But at least that day has acted as a reminder of how it feels to be positive, to have things to look forward to, but ever since that day I haven't come close to feeling that positivity, perhaps once I leave the house that may change. I'm going to Plymouth on Monday, however last time I went to Plymouth I didn't get that pick me up, the Plymouth Pick Me Up that always works, seems for now, to be on hold. Will that change?

So many questions, there are so many uncertainties that I don't know the answer to, except that oh so clinched saying "it takes time" yer well time will tell, of course, but that doesn't help me right now, here, lying in bed at nearly 4pm having not got out all day because there is nothing to get out of bed for. I'm not moaper by nature, I'm a dooer, but I'm not fatherless my nature either, so I think I'm probably allowed to moap. Am I making a bigger deal out of this than I should? should I stop whining and just try and get on? should I be talking more about this, should I this, should I that, I question myself and my own actions quite a lot these days, I never generate a convincing answer.

So where do I find my self three weeks on?

The bottom line is that three weeks down the line and I still feel lost and empty, yes Ive got mum and Matt and loads of friends, but dad, dad was the one I always turned to in need. and right now I'm in dire need and he's not here to turn to. Mum is fantastic but she is grieving in her own way and right now I'm staying strong for her and helping her deal with everything, friends too, but, I dont know, its different. When you loose such an amazing bond with someone, its just on a different level.

So three weeks on and its still not really happening, its all just a surreal, bizarre situation that feels like it will soon resolve its self. Of course that's how I feel, but at the same time I know its not true, so given that I can feel and express two conflicting beliefs, I think I'm mostly certainly in denial, or perhaps just still numbed by what has happened.

Whatever the hell Is going on with me, Ive got to deal with it and take it as it comes.

Tuesday, 8 February 2011

New Slang Sling

As soon as I typed 'New Sling' I immediately thought of 'New Slang' by The Shins. What a seamless anecdote for a seamlessly brilliant song, listen. Its featured in the film 'Garden State' as well, I fell asleep when I watched it, but apparently it really is very good.

Any how, New Sling.

I've got a new sling, this one is a bit more up market than your average sling, this sling holds my arm in a position that is perpendicular to my body, so in other words my arm is facing forwards. To accomplish this position there is a massive piece of padding between my arm and body, a complete sweat feast! a strap goes around my waist, and another strap around my back before splitting at the arm pit, one going over my shoulder the other under my arm pit before meeting up and going back around to the sling. So now I've got two armpits that's are going to sweat up like Jackson on a school bus. Lovely.
There is also a ball that my hand can rest on, quite a good idea, but not such a good idea is having the ball covered in the most man made material you could imagine, a sweat fest nylon/polyester material. Idiots!

So anyway it looks a little like this one on the left, except mine has a ball for the hand, and those straps around the opposite armpit that I mentioned. Ive spent almost a week in a normal sling, so its only three in this sling now. What really frustrates me is because it is so big i cant write, so that's another 3 weeks of uni that I cant write.

So far this academic year I have taken about 1 weeks worth of notes, the rest of the time I have been in a sling, or had an arm that aches after about 15 Min's of note taking, which led me to not bother. I'm really concerned with how much uni work I've missed. But its fine, this is the last chapter in my whole shoulder experience, I'm fed up of hearing the word shoulder, typing the word shoulder, I'm fed up of my own shoulder!


Ive bought a new T - Shirt, I love tees , they are like a good pain of jeans, reliable and worn to death, so when I came across this bike related tee whilst shopping for a friends birthday I couldn't resist. Grey is a good base colour, will look good by its self or under a zip hood, clean and simple and bike related. sorted! Check out the full range here. Its also just a really cool website with regular bike related posts about, um, bikes.

Ive also bought a bag to carry stuff around at uni so that my s******r doesn't hurt too much.

So yes, I have a new sling, I hate it, but its got to be worn other wise I wont be able to do things I want to do without my s******r fucking up again.

Whilst writing this Ive listened to the whole album 'Wincing The Night Away' by 'The Shins' and its brilliant. Worth a listen for sure. I think I will leave the blog at that, there is plenty to talk about, but everything is better in smaller chunks right? Plus my Tramadol is wearing off and I need a poo.


Monday, 7 February 2011

Song of the Week #5

Purely because I'm agressive, don't get too close I might Kill you, or Push you at best.

Sunday, 6 February 2011

Shit hit the fan

There are not many situations where I can't say the right thing to make someone feel better, I'd like to think that even in the toughest situations I can say something to help,

so when some one turns to you and says:

"dont worry about trying to find the right words to say to make me feel better, you wont, so just eat your dinner"

its makes you realize just how much, and indeed how bad, the shit has hit the fan.


Saturday, 5 February 2011

Nero Essential Mix

I cannot stress just how much I love this mix. Ive listened to it in various moods, and its safe to say that this is one of the few pieces of music (yes I am labeling this a piece of music) that I have heard that you can listen to in any mood, will affect you in any mood, and leave you feeling better from whatever mood you were in in the first place.

I must admit the best time to listen to this is when your High or Highly emotional (pissed off or very happy). Ive read many many comments about listening to music when your high and how it sounds "jizztastic" and is like an "eargasm". What a load of shit I used to think to myself. But then I found myself to be in a particularly certain mood after I had had a shit day, in fact probably week, and subsequently was having a shit month. Anyway I often turn to music for reassurance and to generally improve my mood. On this low night in Plymouth, I put this mix on.

Now It may have been because I was in a fowl mood, or whatever, but whatever it was, this whole mix was taken to another level. For me the bet part is from 00:00 to around 30:00 which only covers the first 10 songs but of those ten songs there are some absolute classics, Flux Pavilion – I Can’t Stop, The Streets – In The Middle (Nero Remix), and Plan B – The Recluse (Nero Remix). 16:12 when that tune drops, that was the pinnacle of my night in a certain mood*and listening to DUB, this song just takes over, I'm not going to try and explain it as I'd sound like a knob, but I'm not going to condone smoking pot or whatever gets you high and listening either, as I still believe getting high is very bad for you.

After the first ten minutes the mix takes on a different genre any becomes less DUBStep and more standard DUB and electro, there are many tunes worth hearing from Nero and Daft Punk amongst others, however it is worth skipping to, and listening from 63:00 as you will soon pic up the epic mix of Muse - Exogensis Pt2.
Again I don't know all that much about music but managing to put such an amazing, symphonic piece of music into what is ultimately a drum and bass mix is unbelievable, and to make it work so well just shows what sort of a level Nero are working on, its music mastery surely.

The transition from Muse Exogensis Pt2 through to The Who - Baba O'Riley is in itself a masterpiece. From here it just gets better and better as Nero go on to mix chooons from Beastie Boys, Swedish House Mafia, DC Breaks, Sub Focus, Magnetic Man and of course Nero themselves. For example 83;00 - Swedish House Mafia One through to Sigma Paint it Black with the aid of Netsky of course is unreal.

I know many people, indeed a lot of my friends simply don't like this genre of music, and that is fair enough, but there is still no denying how well thought out and put together this mix is. In my opinion there are parts that I skip, but overall I cant get enough of this mix. Nero don't just mix songs like anyone else, they take it to a completely different level, they can make seamless, smooth transitions that sound perfect, and at the other end of the scale can make a sudden drop sound just as seamless. Random example
Skrillex - Scary Monsters And Nice Sprites to Nero - This Way.

I could go on but my shoulder hurts like a bitch, through out writing this I have been trying to think of a real criticism, well there arnt any really, except maybe that there is some more netsky! This is two hours of very well mixed and mastered work, I personally cannot wait for the future of Nero to unravel before us.

Oh and I guess I should mention their new Single Nero - Me and You, well if Nero carry on producing music like this record then they are going to be a massive part of 2011, Me and You is just one more fantastic tune to add to their already pretty impressive list. Song can be heard here:

For the record I was high off Prescribed drugs for a broken shoulder, not Pot, reference to pot is simply because it is the choice of drug when listening to DUB for so many people, and if its anything like what I experienced from my prescribed pills...then crack on!

you can hear the mix here
Photos from

Cheers and Enjoy

Friday, 4 February 2011

New Shoulder, New Life

Well that's it everyone, it would seem the whole shoulder incident is over, Ive just had surgery to stabilize my shoulder and face 4 weeks in a sling before some intensive physiotherapy, and then, dare I say it, Im all back to normal!

Im not as sure about the ins and outs of the stabilization process, but I think it pretty much involved lots of stitch (internal) and knots to anchor the anterior and posterior labrum back to the socket, and I think the Glenoid had a bit of work done to it as well. This VIDEO outlines everything pretty well

So when I said it felt like I'd been stabbed with a screwdriver and thursted around in my shoulder, ironically, I was spot on.

Oh and this was floating around in there too...

thats a 5p and some cartilage, you can just make out lots of marks on it, presumably where its been grinding away inside my shoulder socket. Its like Wetherbee Ivory, I have no idea what to do with it, some kind of funky jewellery or something?

Yup so now I have a long thin scar, and three, to be tiny scars.

Do I get a 'Join the Dots' Tattoo incorporating the scars?

So hopefully this is the last of my chronic shoulder issue, 4 weeks in a sling, lots of physio (with the beautiful physio again!) then I'm back on the straight and narrow.
For now though I'm in plenty of pain and itching like crazy from the pain meds. Ive decided that having your shoulder poked and prodded is almost, if not, worse the clavicle surgery, but I guess this is a long dull aching pain that you cant get rid of easily, where as the clavicle was short sharp and sudden, and soon disappeared via immobilization.

Anyway, that's enough typing as my arm is starting to hurt. Watch this space for updates, photos, and all sorts, I do believe there is a video and photos of the actual Surgery! How cool is that.

Cheers Ears.

About Me

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I started this Blog to document the amazing streak of bad luck I was having throughout 2010, I'd like to think my luck has changed for 2011...time will tell.