The Nike Mogan.

These are my 2007/8 Nike 6.0 Zoom Mogan Trainers (correct me if I'm wrong). If these trainers could talk as well as walk, Christ they would have some tails to tell. They've been through shit, sick and squalor, through to posh events, festivals, sunnier climates, and to be honest just about everything a year in Great Britain can offer. They've been flooded and dried and still held fast in the floods of 2008, they stood tall at Glastonbury 2011 despite raging winds and sideways rain, they've even taken me to victory in a local Mountain Bike series in the south west. These are just the trying times, for the duration of their life, these trainers have been 'fit and forget'. I put them on, and they do their job so well that it's not until they are kicked off at the very doorstep you see above that I actually stand back and appreciate all that this shoe has done for my feet. 

I do not live life in half measures and as a result these trainers have had one almighty test, and they have won the test of time. After five years of constant abuse from riding bmx, mtb, being filled and drained with mud, dust, rain, snow and sand, these trainers have been utterly faultless. Only now are they showing signs of their demise...a small hole on the inside of the right shoe, nothing major, but sadly in a position that means water seepage is inevitable, and my pet hate is wet socks.

Stefan Janoski Low Premium

Not surprising then, that I am really struggling to find a suitable trainer to replace this triumphant pair, I am five years older than when I bought these trainers and my tastes have changed, I want something a bit smarter, yet I still want the comfort of knowing that even on the rainiest of days, I can slip on a pair of trainers and not have wet feet all day. The 'Stefan Janoski Low Premium' is more the sort of trainer I want, but I can't help but feel it will not stand as much abuse as I am lightly to give it. The 'Dunk High' is fantastic trainer but slightly too big, which leaves something along the lines of the 'AF1 Downtown' or a more obvious replacement, the 'Mogan Low 3' 

Nike Mogan Low 3 ID

If I've had it's predecessor for time, then surely this modern day version will last me equally as long. 

Surely it's a no brainer? 

Either way, I wanted to pay homage to what can only be described as a fantastic trainer, a relentless mud runner, a clear leader, and a reliable friend of my feet that have seen me through thick and thin and never faltered. I just hope whatever pair of Nikes I buy next will be just asreliable for the next five years of my life. 

Cheers Nike.

Voice.

Funny how dreams can go from being there and existing but not influencing, to suddenly smacking you in the face.

Last night I received a text from my Dad, (in my dream obviously, I'm not going mad) I can see that text so clearly, I can even see every Capital letter and comma. 

He sent me a text saying he was ok, everything was fine and he would be coming out of hospital soon as he had got his VOICE BACK. 

I was so happy in that moment, so so happy and excited to see him. Though, within seconds of waking up, I was crushed, crushed by the ruthlessness of reality. Never have I gone from being so ecstatically happy to so...I've just spend two minutes staring at the screen trying to explain it with words, and I just can't. 

I love you dad. I can't express how much I miss you every single day. 

Now you have your voice back maybe you will talk to me in my dreams.

Eye

Eyes really are very under-rated.

The Job

The job

So I've been at work for three weeks now, or maybe four I'm not sure. But its going ok, up and down, like a yo yo. It is kinda cool what I do I guess, and the more I think about it the more I think 'shit am I really carrying this much responsibility, do these people really trust me to be doing this?'
Basically I am fully responsible for insuring that three mills have enough wheat, oats,maize,peas,barley on a day to day basis to make enough bread and other products. That's just insane to let someone as nonchalant as me carry out such a heavy task. Today I was controlling all of the product out of a mill in Manchester, product that feeds cattle, that allows them to grow, and be milked and killed for tasty steak, me...in control of that!

It does get a bit repetitive I must admit, playing the same mill, the same calls and scoring the same deals with regular hauliers, but there are some laughs to be had. For example one haulier phoned today,
"frontier jack speaking"
"jack is Alicia there?"
"She is, shall I put you across?"

He simply replies,

"is she fit jack?"

Hahaha and thats it, my afternoon has been made, me and Jim end up talking for about fifteen minutes after Alicia, shes sat within ear shot but is none the wiser.
"Well would you?" He continues,
"Urrrh"
"That's a no then!" We're both in hysterics.

"How many pints would it take? Four? I always flirt with her on the phone, I bet shes fat, is she fat jack? This always happens, I always flirt with the fattys"

Hes laughing for England and so am i. I lean back in my chair in hysterics and start to feel good, I'm in an office chatting, laughing, but doing business all at the same. Its clicked.

"Whats that saying, flirt on the phone add 2 stone" hes roaring down the phone...so am I.
I don't care what people in the office think, and Ive been to his site in Worcester, i know he is just sat in a portacabin next to a calender of lorries, hugging a mini electric heater, but we are both on fire.

"Always the fattys, well you better put me across jack"

Moments like that make the job so much more worthwhile.yo It wasn't just Jim either. Ive have two shit days, and today in stead of getting wound up, i just went with it, just chatted to everyone properly, no business talk...but it was somehow, and it worked.

"Hows your week been Dave?" I ask,
i know the answer but it will start a fun conversation...

"Fucking shit" he replies.

Brilliant, it works you know, I'm letting them know that I am on their side, I empathize with them, listen to them and look out for them. I hook them up with work and as a result they keep saying less and will hopefully scratch my back when I get in a tricky situation.

I'm not sure this is something I want to do long term, but the people are great, and sure I'm rough around the edges, when have I not been, but I'm doing ok. Ive been thrown in the pool, and I'm in class two, swimming...just.

:(

hi.just thought I'd say hi and hope your day was as good as it could be.thinking of you a bit but not too much...MMA

7degreeC's.

I'm earning fuck all money and living an existence that quite frankly barely counts as existence at all. I exist in that I am just a somebody who works in an office, for fuck all money, goes food shopping, fills the car up, irons shirts and cooks dinner. Fuck my life, has my life become what I have tried so hard to avoid? Predictable and boring? Oh it's Wednesday again so my car and fridge are both empty, thus I must shop again. Oh its the day after Monday and the day before Wednesday so I must iron some more shirts, no wait I forgot to wash them, shit. Worth mentioning that I look fucking good in a shirt though. Creased from bone idleness or not. (Just read this back...I'm such a moany bastard)

Who am I kidding, I swam in this lake last weekend

Yes that is frost in the foreground.

I guess that is a pretty cool (literally) thing to do. It was certainly different and far from predictable and boring. In fact it was liberating, swimming in 7degreeC water makes you feel very alive.

Last night I also went for a very random walk and got some cool shots.

God is watching you.

 This cathedral really is very impressive, so too is it's security system.

Reach.

 This tree puts on a good spread. I love a good tree I do.

Lincoln Cathedral

 Straight out of a Lonely Planet

Lincoln Windmill

This windmill was on a terrace of houses, for real. I was walking down a street of boring houses, then all of a sudden the houses surrender to this monstrous windmill standing tall, dwarfing everything around it, Lincoln obscurity strikes again.

I guess we all have to be boring now and again, otherwise the extraordinary moments would be nothing more than an extension of the mundane, and nothing would ever be special again. The boring days make the better days, well, better.

Like visiting Marwell zoo with this crazy coconut...

Who doesn't love to mount a Hippo?

A special day, just like swimming in 7degreesC. Special days make you feel alive, very alive, and very happy to be alive. So I guess yet again I have entered a blog with some negativity, blogged about it and found some positivity. 

For every boring mundane moment, there are twice fold special, 7degreeC moments.

What is your next 7degreeC moment going to be?

Step One.

Step one in the official guide to being Jack Wetherbee is: 

Write everything down. 

Because in the real world, with no one else around to watch your back, you have to think of everything, cover all bases, and generally get shit done yourself. No questions. I am learning this the hard way.
So for all of you out there who have yet to become FULLY independent and will be embarking on such a journey in the future, my first step in doing so successfully is write everything down, take notes, write lists, reminders, reminders to shop, wash, and, if you are are Jack Wetherbee...notes and reminders to think, and think again.

For one cannot think too much, when one is playing the world single handedly. 

The Long Walk, Windsor, Uk

Bike.

Holy shit I know what I'll be dreaming about tonight!

WOW.

http://vimeo.com/orpheusprod

The House.

Well I'm in and paying rent in a house in Lincoln. It's not my own house, I'm sharing with a man called Keith at Bendigo Place, no no not Bendigo in Australia, Bendigo of lonesome Lincoln. 

Bendigo of Oz would be way cooler

Keith is cool. He is big, friendly and helpful and keeps himself to himself, playing with his miniature modern railways and listening to the Archers. For someone so large he never seems to cook and the house is always very tidy, which is brilliant but kind of puts more pressure on me to keep it looking clean and tidy! He's also got a massive T.V, 3D might I add, which has never struck me as much of a big deal, until a frog jumped into my lap from the depths of the t.v screen whilst listening to the dulcet tones of David Attenborough. I couldn't believe it! This scene of frogs hopping around and almost out of the screen at you was truly amazing, all in full HD as well, mind blown! I feel like I'm treading on egg shells a lot though, making sure things are left as they are found, the shelves in the fridge have enough space, the kettle is the right way around, and my music isn't too loud. Do I keep my door open to be social? Well at least I offer him cups of tea which is something, and after all I'm paying to be here. 

Lincoln Common across the road

Anyway, So I'm 10mins by bike from the nice part of Lincoln, the common, and the side full of students and only 20mins by car to work, so everything is pretty peachy. Though I must say trying to live off a wage that is less that 'living wage' is pretty much impossible for anyone who likes to pursue, well, a life. If I had no hobbies, illegally downloaded music and films and dived supermarket bins for food and stole clothes from the homeless then perhaps just maybe I might be ok. Alas, I like to go to the cinema, and go swimming, and go the gym, and all sorts of other stuff which sadly involves money and that means that living off less than basic living wage is depressingly close to a loss per month...

...Oh silly me for wanting to earn my money the honest way, I should have just joined the growing number of freeloaders in this society expecting something for nothing, claiming benefits left right and centre and playing the system. Dirty, just dirty. Saying that I'm entitled to housing benefits? or is that only if I buy? I have no idea.

Ha, I've just run down stairs to check my new shirt hasn't been put in the tumble drier as it cost ££, and Keith the BK HERO has hung it up to dry separately. Awesome. Things look to be ok here, the shower is cold but that is getting fixed soon, other than that it's all gravy.

Now to meet some new people...

Did I mention how fucking awesome Lincolns Cathedral is?

The Move

So I'm moving to Lincoln tomorrow for three months to work with Frontier Agriculture in the Logistics department. It's safe to say this scares me. I've been working for them for 4 years now, driving around, sampling grain, filling in a few bags and recording data in the form of mileage, farms sampled etc, yet this move to Lincoln is going to be a whole different kettle of fish. For starters my desk is no longer my van, and the office will no longer be the countryside. I'm a desk jockey. Sat at a desk, head down in front of a computer screen, headset on looking important and making very serious phone calls. But do I get my own pencils complete with embossed name? Maybe not just yet.

'Frontier Jack speaking'

I have no idea what to expect, and like I said this scares me, but at the same time it is kind of excites me. Of course one is assuming Frontier still want me, I actually crashed my company van last night but that's a story for another time, perhaps after the courts have decided my fate. I'm sure  everyone will be very friendly and helpful...and soon make it very clear how they take their tea or coffee.

Then there is Lincoln itself, now I'm not the kind of person that likes to drink alcohol, the prospect of 'getting pissed' every weekend repulses me, I'd much rather ride a bike and reward my body, not punish it. Yet Lincoln is really rather flat, and is perhaps the worst place to live if you like nothing better than finishing work and going for a blast around the woods on your bike. Answer? Buy a road bike...or drink. I'm sure I'm just being a cynical bastard, Lincoln in it's monumental flatness will undoubtedly present a different beauty to Hereford, and with that, different pursuits. Who knows I may end up with a kayak.

Finally I'm sorry to everyone who didn't already know and indeed I havn't been able to catch up with. I've not really seen much of, well, anyone recently. My head has been down working every hour under the sun in a vain attempt to drag myself out of my cavernous, infinitely growing overdraft. Well you must be out of your overdraft if you've been working so hard, wrong. I'm being stung by insurance, travel, and now...rent! 

Any way I need to go. I start work Tuesday 6th, I still need to pack, oh yeah and I still need to find a place to live. See you at the flat warming?

Grand Optimist.

This song came on my generic music device yesterday, it was quite apt really, I'm missing my Grand Optimist a lot this week. Just one sentence and I'm ok, that's all it took. These days such resolve comes after a week of fighting my thoughts.

 It's tiring. It's unfair, It's unjust.

Fornication in Cali

"All those things that weren't supposed to happen,  they happened.

What happens next is up to you"

- Californication

Loud and clear.

Shoot.

Really?
Is there a future in this?!

N.W.A

Life is good. 

Life is very good right now.

Thank you Walker.

Prerequisite

Job searching really is a pain the the arse, it all just feels a bit backwards. I'm sat at a computer trawling through hundreds of jobs looking for something that 'best fits'. I'm sat looking for a job that; that what? Interests me? Excites me? Suits me? These search engines lump jobs into a category, Sales jobs, Legal jobs, IT jobs, Leisure jobs, Web jobs?! This all feels wrong. Why can't I give you my interests and my categories instead of hopelessly trying to mould myself into a pre determined category. Talk about being a sheep. I've compiled a list of my likes, strengths, interests, hobbies, call them what you like, but surely this way you could find the perfect job, because it would originate purely from what makes you who you are. Generate from the original source.

So here is a list of things I find interesting and enjoy.

Cycling,

Surfing,

Psychology & People,

Physiotherapy,

Being Outdoors,

Trees,

Water,

Music,

Film Sets,

Driving,

New Zealand,

Canada.

Farming! (Surprised to type this one)

...My perfect job based on these words would be...

Sports Psychology?

Physiotherapy? (Sports)

Forestry work?

Seaman? Whey!

Mountain bike leader?

Surf instructor?

Tree Surgeon?

None of these?

What do you think? Do I really have to 'fit' into one of these categories, can I not break the mould? 

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary." -Steve Jobs

I feel like I have no direction in life, but perhaps it is ok to feel like that because perhaps it will all just happen. That still does not detract from the fact that it sometimes bugs me. So when I decide to do something totally random, I'll do it, because surely everything is essentially a product of cause and effect, every single person you meet in life, every single experience you have gives you something. Invaluable insight whether immediately obvious or not comes to mind. This insight will either help me broaden my 'life categories', my 'job categories' or completely destroy them.

I must remember this when I next think;

"What am I doing, where am I going?"

We are always going somewhere, even when we don't feel like it, we are always on the road to something, not just death, which obviously is what we are all heading towards (which in itself can be a very good motivator, I'm not just being morbid) but the next chapter, the next beginning, we are on the road, on a journey, and every day whether good or bad is apart of that journey, expanding and exploding the designated categories of life, every day is required, every day makes us.

I'm just not made yet.

Stop

I'm on self destruct, and I'm down to single digits.

I'm over doing things, pushing things, perusing things.

Constantly on the go with no time to breathe,

Running from memories and past scenes.

If I keep on and don't stop, the past will stay at bay,

Until I stop.

I'm afraid to stop.

Stopping hurts more than the running, the pushing and the pursuing.

I can't keep on like this, I'm so tired. 

I need to face the silence of an empty weekend.

I need to exist in nothing, and be nothing in its existence.

I'm on self destruct, and I'm down to single digits.

I'm over doing things, pushing things, perusing things.

Constantly on the go with no time to breathe,

Running from memories and past scenes.

I have no idea where I am, But I'm glad I'm here

I've seen some very cool sights this week.

I feel very privileged to see the sights I see, and I like to think that people want to see them too, but upon reflection I don't think people are very interested in combines, fields and 'views'. But I am.

This week has been my week, the house has been mine and mine only, a blessing. Eating what I want to eat when I want to eat it, sleeping when I want to sleep and not being woken, appreciating silence, all the small things.

The great thing about leaving an item in a house that no one else occupies is that you know for a fact that when you return for said item it will be exactly where you left it.

Although being 'alone' in a house, or rather a family home is very (pauses for thought) sad. There is no fancy word to guise such a feeling, it just feels sad.

An empty home is no home, it is a house.

Which is partly why this week I have found my emotions to be up and down like a possessed yo yo. Add into the mix farmers who constantly talk about your late father, and frankly everything becomes a bit too much to handle. The farmers talk about my dad...I think about him...I miss him...I come home...he's not here...I wake up...he's not here...no one is here...and I suddenly feel very alone. It almost becomes tiresome, but it isn't a choice of mine, I did not choose this, it has been forced upon me, and it will never be something that I simply get over. I have taken some positives from this week though, when I'm in the right frame of mind I find it so reassuring to hear just how many farmers thought, and still think so highly of my father, with stories of how he saw them through thick and thin, and in some cases how he helped 'make' farmers careers, and with such modesty too. My dad knew he was good at what he did, but he never showed it, he just, he just lived, and he lived well, and did well at everything he did, with no showboating, he got on and did what he had to do.

Any who I'm sure I wasn't supposed to come on here and talk about my dad...again.

I've been distracted in other ways this week. I think about my dad all the time, but now, I think about a certain girl all the time as well. I'm not sure what to make of this. I've never thought about someone this much in this way before, it's scary. I know you are going to read this Nat, I think about you rather a lot, you have partially taken over my mind and I like it. I get excited thinking about you, I feel sad when I leave you, and nervous with anticipation just before I see you. I don't know what to make of it all, so I'm just 'going with it'. I have something in my life that makes me smile, and for once it is a someone, not a something.

You make me smile Nat, you make me smile a lot.

This is a photo I took this week at work. Yes, that's right, what you see in this picture is essentially my office, or rather the view I often see out of my office (van) window.

"I have no idea where I am, But I'm glad I'm here"

It's views like this that make everything worth while, and it was so nice to see how many people 'liked' this on facebook, so nice to see that I can share this with people, and it is appreciated by others.

Well anyway, since starting this post I have drunk rather a lot of alcohol and have subsequently lost the plot, intention and purpose for said post, so I shall call it a day. This week has been long, busy, emotional and draining, But despite all that, I kind of like the hustle and bustle, the business, being here one minute, there the next, and all the little quirks that make it fun along the way.

The blindingly blank pages in my life are large and cavernous, but the ones that are filled, are filled with colour, the colour of happiness, somehow balancing each other out.

That's it, I've broken, I've had enough of Hereford. It has been slowly choking me of life for a few months now and I really cannot take it any more. My best friend is no longer here, I don't like going out in Hereford, I'm getting bored of doing everything by myself, I'm getting bored of being the only one interested in things I'm interested in. That probably sounds selfish, but what is the point in doing anything unless it makes you happy, and right now shared experiences are the only happy ones. I'm even bored of riding my bike, I'm bored of the local gym, even swimming which I have only recently taken up, it isn't going to hold my interest for much longer. I need something radical. I've always had something radical in the bag to keep myself entertained. Travelling the world for example, then uni, then competing in dh races, even rehabilitating my shoulder was something radical that gave me purpose and meaning. I strive for purpose, I strive for meaning, I strive for motivation to get out of bed in the morning.

What is my purpose, meaning and motivation right now?

Honestly I do not know. There is not much about me right now that is stopping me from merging into a nobody, permeating into society as one of those people in the streets you never notice, they are there, they make up 90% of the high street, but you don't notice them. I want to be the exciting 10% with a story, with passion, drive. I'd like to think I have been in that 10% a lot, is that arrogance? Lets call it determination and drive, all three can go hand in hand but arrogance doesn't have to be a bi product.

What can put me back in that 10%, how can I regain my purpose?

I need a new direction,

S.H.W

How can you physically miss someone this much?

How can you think about someone this much everyday?

I only see you in my dreams now, that will never be enough.

I would do anything, absolutely anything just for a hug, just to see you smile at me.

Why can't I see you smiling.

Why won't you smile for me?

Blocked

The more I think about writing in here, the more difficult it becomes to find something to write about. Before this recent affair with blogging, I just blogged when something major had happened in my life, so, one would suggest nothing major has happened in my life for a while, well that's kind of true. But I feel like I should blog about other things as well, but then it is this notion that has led me to this sticky situation in which I really don't know what to write about or where to start...

Ironic I know, that I am now blogging about not knowing what to blog about, but it is really starting to bug me and it got me thinking back to a previous blog, and the saying...

...well not a saying but more a philosophical idea...

..."the more we look the less we find"...

Is that just massively sceptical? realistic? Both? Well it got me thinking that this is the essence of writers block, a write needs to write, and it is that necessity to write that drives his or her creative block. Perhaps that is one theory of many anyway. This has all stemmed from my sudden viewing of the programme "Californication" in which a writer moves from New York to Cali with his family. He faces some serious writers block, at least, in-between the small posts on his blog he does make. This character has been sent to Cali to write, surely the pressure to write would create a block?

Perhaps the pressure (totally unnecessary and not even pressure to be fair) that I have put (had put on me?) to write more is creating a block for me. Perhaps I should tone it down a notch, treat my blog how I treated it before; not something I should go to regularly regardless of inspiration, but visit in times of need, want, emotion. After all it is emotion that drives creativeness, emotion that drives life itself. 

Anyway, since when did this blog become about anyone else...that's right it didn't. 

What is truly yours will eventually be yours

I love this, It is making me realise that I should not apply for jobs for the sake of it, because it is what is expected of me, but instead what I truly want to do will become apparent in time. It has also prompted me, of the necessity to remind myself that I should not look for what I desire in life. When we look we do not find. It is when we are not looking that we are found.

Smile.

I've just got my car back from the garage.

New Air flow meter, Wash jets', pipes and valves, labour and VAT all came to £411.78.

Was it worth it? I was doubting it all until just now, I've just come back from the gym, I booted the car home, the engine feels like it's had a new lease of life, now whether that was me cleaning the throttle body, or the new air flow meter (probably the latter) I don't know, but shiiit did it make a difference! 

I pulled out of the Weobley turn onto the main road and floored it up to 60mph in about 6 seconds before hitting 95mph, bouncing off the red in every gear until I ran out of road. Funnily enough a few seconds later my fuel light came on, which was quite apt I thought. So there I was cruising at 80mph on the way home, corning like the car is on rails and finally a smile breaks through my stubborn scowl. 

So for the luxury of being able to do that, despite having to dip into savings to keep my car running, I think it was worth it. But just in case there was any doubt...

Before I carry on I should clear some points up otherwise this won't make much sense. So essentially my windscreen washers haven't worked since I bought the car (the jets not wipers) which proved to make long journeys quite interesting, by the by I have coped for 4 months, yet only recently decided to get them fixed.

It was on the way to the gym that I realised I had fully operational wipers. Well just acknowledging this phenomenon turned me into an over excited 5 year old in a toy store and that was before I even tried them out. This is so lame, but in that second I had a massive smile on my face, I was so excited to try out my windscreen wipers. There certainly wasn't any anti climax, I turned them on,  (I can just hear the innuendos in my mind now, sorry) and instantly fluid was spraying out the jets covering the entire windscreen...

...I'm not going to lie, I laughed out loud in hysteria...ALOT. 

Haters Gunna' Hate, but I love my car, regardless of whether you do or not, It makes me Smile, and you should hold onto the things in life that make you smile, because they can often be few and far between.

My car makes me SMILE, so for now it is staying :)

Just how easily could you up roots and move to another country for three years?

We all moan about this country, at least on some level, whether its about politics, finance, or the most likely of the top topics we Blighty Brits like to moan about...the weather. But do we really have it in us to leave?

I'm 23. I'm still young, but that's 23 years of friendships, connections, knowledge and experience in a country that has become very familiar to me, very comfortable to me, and a place which yes I moan about, but a place I also love to be in. So when I received a phone call this morning (which woke me up) with a casual proposition of meeting the UK managing director of a large company regarding taking on a new job in Australia, I was more than speechless.

An hour later, and all the speculation I had ever mulled over regarding such an event (basically wandering whether I really could leave the UK if I were asked) is suddenly forced into the forefront of my mind, for this time around there is no speculation of a hypothetical scenario, this is real, I have to seriously think about this.

Coincidentally on my drive home from work a few weeks ago I was making a list of all the things that were keeping me in Herefordshire...There was very little on the list.

So the next question...What is keeping me in the UK?...well Friends, Family, Familiarity for a start.

Friends

But my friends are all over the place and I can't keep on travelling around to see them...can I ?

Of course  I can, Nowhere is too far away in the Uk. Yet Oz to Uk is £1000+ and a day flight followed by crippling jet lag for a week. My friends mean a lot to me, of course I will make friends in Oz straight away, but maybe I don't want to make an entire new life for myself, maybe I'm comfortable with the way things are here. Conversely I can think of two people who have just left for Canada for a year, another friend who now lives in New York, and a couple other friends who are soon off to Canada for a year maybe more, and there are others that are planning to move out of the uk to chase something else in life.

Family

Same as friends.

Familiarity

I love the South West, I love the Lake District, I love Yorkshire and the Mores, I love the Rural West Midlands, I love Wales. I love the variety of the UK, I hate the constant rain, but when the sun shines in the UK there is nothing quite like it. I know where to go for a good surf, a good ride etc. However Oz is one of the best places to surf in the world, and the weather is nearly always good. I've spent two months in Oz and it's a pretty wild place, they have a good way of life, and making a decent living is still an accessible thing for young people like myself.

What do I want right now?

I want to move out of home and have my own place with a job I enjoy, a good wage, and plenty of time to take holidays and travel to some sweet locations. That in it's self will involve making new friends and not leaving my current friends behind, which would be the case if I went to Oz.

Besides I can recall having conversations with people about Oz, and I remember myself often saying I liked it, but it was all just a bit full on, a bit over the top. But I was travelling by myself at 18 years old so when you have never travelled anywhere by yourself before, where ever you go is going to be like that. Essh this is such a crazy thing to have to think about. Oz could be really good, I could make some serious money, work hard, play hard, but then I could potentially have all that here if I land a great job here. Ahhhh.

The last 24 hours have been mental! Yesterday afternoon I had a chat with Simon about working for Robus, that in itself put a lot of thoughts in my head. Then I ended up at a Wu Tang Clan gig which was totally unexpected, and now I've just been woken up by a phone call asking if I can see the managing director who is interested in getting me out to Australia, all within 24 hours! It's not like I even said that much to Simon that would actually impress him. Simon said I could be earning silly money out in Oz...

Does this all sound too good to be true?

Well anyway I'm seeing Mark on Monday back down in Cheltenham, so I can get more details together and go from there.

Life is not simple. I guess then it would be pretty boring too.

Inspired Flight

I mix emotion up with thoughts and the outcome's bliss. 
Inhibition ain’t my boss, without a doubt take risks. 
A slow dance with destiny, and her hands I grip. 
She quick, but I chase; freeze, tag, I'm it.

http://inspiredflight.bandcamp.com/track/its-the-chemicals-feat-scarub

O Brother, Where Art Thou?

I love this film, and I love this line:

You seek a great fortune, you three who are now in chains. You will find a fortune, though it will not be the one you seek. But first... first you must travel a long and difficult road, a road fraught with peril. Mm-hmm. You shall see thangs, wonderful to tell. You shall see a... a cow... on the roof of a cottonhouse, ha. And, oh, so many startlements. I cannot tell you how long this road shall be, but fear not the obstacles in your path, for fate has vouchsafed your reward. Though the road may wind, yea, your hearts grow weary, still shall ye follow them, even unto your salvation.


Just Brilliant.

Give me a break

So yesterday I got the all clear from my physio...good result.

However myself and a friend went for a drink, now I don't really want to drink any more, but I did nonetheless and it was good fun.

However at about four in the morning my LEFT shoulder subluxed. Not the RIGHT which I have just got the all clear for.

I mean come on give me a fucking break. I was feeling really good, my shoulders were behaving, I was gymming regularly with no pains at all. Now I have a painful left shoulder which, as past has taught me, will sublux again in the next few days before taking around three weeks to 'settle down'. It's been about 4 months since it last subluxed, I thought it was past that, clearly not. Yet this time there is substantial pain where as before there usually is not.

So now I'm really quite pissed off. This means I have to rehab my left shoulder, I have to be careful when I'm lay in bed, I need to be careful not to move it to quickly, all for fear of it doing it again. Just when everything was starting to piece together.

Fuck My Life.

Perhaps I can spin this into a positive?

Perhaps it is a sign that all though I have been given the all clear, I should get the rest of my body 110% before I do anything else? Well I don't have much choice in the matter now.

Cheers Shoulders, You pair of useless cunts.

On the 26th Novermber 2011 I wrote..
"...well I have Dad, I've done you proud, and I will keep doing so forever, and I hope you don't mind but I might just get your initials tattooed on my wrist so that just in case I ever waver in life I have an instant reminder of everything I stand for, my morals, beliefs, motivations and my main source of inspiration. You were a fantastic dad, and my best friend, and if I can be half the man you were I will be satisfied. I think I've made a good start. Love you always. "

Well I did Dad.

Money?

I'd rather be poor and live for the moments that money cannot buy,

than be rich and live for the experiences that one buys with money.

- Jack Stephen Wetherbee.

Grave.

I put some flowers on an unattended grave today.

Partly because doing so features in the book

"this book will change your life" by Ben Carey & Henrik Delehag

but also I think because I wanted to do something selfless. But then when is anything selfless when we are often driven to do it to make ourselves feel better?

To be honest I wanted to put some flowers on the grave of an old neighbour of ours, dad used to, and I guess I felt I should be keeping up the tradition. Finding the grave was impossible, so I lay some flowers on an unnamed grave and on my old maths teachers stone. Mark Stevenson.

Did I do it because I wish I could do something for Dad? I think so. I would like to have a place to go, at the moment his ashes are under the bed in the spare room. Yer because that was his favourite place ever! Soon he will be on the golf course on his favourite fairway. Much more dignified.

A place to go, to be near to him, to talk to him. We all need that Everyone needs that.

Shower

Just found this, I think I wrote it 2 months ago.

these tears filled with spite, regret, and anger, are cleansed only with the water from above, yet nothing changes, the clean water replaces the burdened tears, but the origin of the emotion remains deep within.

Nothing can cleanse these tears, nothing.

Light in a Dark Place

Clouds roll in, smothering the hills before draining down their darker side, the sun burns holes in the fluid textures of the clouds, their edges singe, and reseed like paper burning in an open fire, to match only the orange of the lingering sun that ignites them.

The horizon never falters here,
beauty is constant, consistent and clear,
though only if the eye is to let it.

Walk

Within minutes I can be walking in fields

with fields as far as I can see

My new neighbours are stubborn sheep and triumphant trees

tall standing warriors
exposed
but rarely shaken by the elements.