Song of the Week #4

I'm a big fan of songs with whistling in... 'Peter, Bjorn & John - Young Folks', 'Noah and the Whale - 5 years time' and '3OH!3 - Starstrukk Ft Katy Perry' I dont know why Im a fan of them as they usually end up annoying the fuck out of me after a while...but dont most songs if you listen to them, or rather Jo Wiley plays them enough? Generic "Jo Wiley Pop" I call it. Even if she finds something with the slightest shred of hope in it she will play it to death, destroying that shred of genius and turn it into 'just another crappy song'.

Jo Wiley is old and annoying (a bit like Chris Moyles) and is due to be replaced.

Anyway, the latest song on the radio to feature a whistle comes from 'Eliza Doolittle'. Her first single was 'Pay Up' which didnt have any whistling in it but was still a good tune. Her new song definatly has whislting it, it's called 'Skinny Genes'. Give it a week, or two, and I will probably have changed my mind and find it the most irritating song going, all thanks to Jo Wiley, but untill that happens, I'm loving it and as a result its going to be my song of the week #4

She sounds a lot like Lilly Allen and indeed Kate Nash, but has less of that 'chat' sound and more melody, well at least some of her songs do anyway, they are still very similar. Anyway...Songs with whistles in...

...Eliza Doolittle - Skinny Genes...Song of The Week #4

http://www.youtube.com/user/ElizaDoolittleVEVO

Plymouth

Is currently in Plymouth, and feeling miss-placed, Im not sure where I want to be or indeed what I should be doing. So I did the only thing I can do, visit the sea, and with some friends, even better.

I get the impression Im just waiting for a meltdown, and I dont want to be by myself in a house with people I dont know very well when that happens, so Im currently camping out with the Psychos :) Surrounding myself with good friends and distractions is probably the way to go.

Havn't felt this unsettled in a long time.

:/

Church Reading

A few people wanted to know what I wrote and said at the Church, so here it is...


Firstly I d like to say thank you to all of you, for your kind words, text messages, phone calls, emails and even post, we have enough kindling in the form of discarded envelopes to keep the log burner ticking over for days! Every word spoken or written comes as a huge comfort for me and undoubtedly mum and matt. So thank you.

These are just a few memories that I have of dad that I think sum up the kind of person he was, hopefully it will spark off some of your own memories of him.

Stephen Hugh Wetherbee,
He always mowed the lawns at stupid o’clock in the morning, giving us no time for a lie in, as there was always something to be done , he was always fixing up or doing something to the house, though it was really just any excuse to get the ladder out. He shouted at that TV when the F1 and Rugby was on, he snored every night without fail, loudly enough to allegedly loosen rivets in Bruces yacht, He used to sit with me when I was ill and wouldn't leave till I was asleep, or at least until I had my eyes closed and felt better!

He Drove like a madman but was always in control, over taking cars at any opportunity,
he worked hard for his car and indeed his cars, and he enjoyed every minute he spent in them, whether stopping off at a river he used to fish at when he was younger, trying to find his dads favourite fishing spot in Tavistock, Going in search of floods after heavy rain fall, and of course what he spent a great deal of time doing in his car was visiting all of you guys at various farms to sample grain, do business or simply to stop by and say hello, as long as you didn’t have dogs that would jump up and scratch his beloved car. Exploring in his car was always fun, though for some reason he never liked going home the same way.

Salcombe holidays were very special, year after year, we went, ate silly amounts of boiled sweets from Cranchies, walked until our feat hurt, went crabbing, often not stopping until either the sea was empty or the tide had gone out! (I caught a seagull) Mum and Dad even returned from Salcombe one time listening to Pendulum, though I think that may have been mums influence of music, a far cry from abba

Even Fishing on the river arrow, I personally fell out of a tree in an attempt to retrieve a fly which i had hopelessly cast up there, that was all i caught that day. Of course there were no such issues for dad, how he cast so straight is anyone’s guess?
The very first time he let me leave the end of the road on my bike...freedom at last! Sneaky trips to the burger van when we knew full well mum would be rustling up a roast dinner for when we got home, we had some fun getting through those roast dinners

Teaching us to wash our own cars, he was so meticulous, I never washed my car to a good enough standard, Matt got close, but it bugged him so much he ended up doing it for us.
Breaking the news to dad that I accidentally parked my car in a hedge was an interesting experience, the fact that I just happened to have laid down the best set of skid marks you could imagine, was nothing to do with the fact that I was trying to adjust the heating in my car. I ended up dragging my car off the hedge with a lorry driver before parking my car as out of sight as possible and stuffing the rubber splitter that had ripped off in the back where dad wouldn’t notice.
Dad didn’t seem too angry, just more concerned as to whether I had learnt my lesson or not. Needless to say my driving style has changed, all thanks to Frontier for employing me. Frontier brings fond memories, mainly through sheer frequency is the various phone calls I made when I had got hopelessly lost trying to find a farm in the middle of South Wales, Cotswolds, Shropshire the list goes on! He knew all the farms, all the names, all the lanes, for he had been to them all before, such knowledge, he was the human sat nav for farms. And of course the many times he tried to explain the ins and outs of grain trading, but I was just too young to grasp it!
Waking up early to wave good bye to him every morning when he went to work, he'd flash the lights of his car and usually wave out of the window.

His bizarre love for Abba, his bizarre love of Bag Pipes, he certainly kept those close to his chest and I have a feeling we haven’t heard the last of the Bag Pipes.
And not forgetting his cheeky smile and wink which never failed to reassure, and of course his infamous raised eyebrow.

As clichéd as it sounds, dad was a fantastic man and will leave a massive whole in many peoples’ lives, but we all have something to take away from knowing him, he was the sort of man that without even trying, just gave you motivation, goals and something to aim for in life, he had an uncanny ability to make everything seem ok, a positive spin for everything, he always made you feel better. Dad will certainly remain as the driving force in my life and I hope many of yours, I think it’s safe to say he was a true inspiration in every respect.

Dad, 23/01/1956 - 19/01/2011

I was right, everyone is right, Nothing can prepare you for the death of a loved one. I tried so hard to prepare myself for it, it almost felt wrong how much I thought about Dad not being around anymore. But I think to an extent it has helped

Its been one week since he passed. Wednesday 19th January 11:50am.

Nothing has sunk in, I've gone into autopilot, doing things, sorting things out whilst remaining as distant as possible from what I'm dealing with. I mean you cant get anymore surreal that sitting with your family discussing your dads funeral/service, whats hymns to sing, what music to play at the crematorium. These sorts of situations are perhaps the most unreal I have experienced, the closest I've felt to living the life of someone else, in a dream, begging to wake up. I had a dream of dad before he passed, and when I woke up, for a moment I was relived as I knew it was just a dream, but then the reality kicked in.

I deal with things by educating myself on the topic, a technique Freud called 'Interlectualisation', I remove myself from the situation and focus on something else to help me through, for example learning the in's and outs of Pharmacology when dad was ill. And now I'm focusing on the 5 stages of bereavement;


1) denial,
2) anger,
3) bargaining,
4) depression
5) acceptance.


1) Denial. As much as I deny I'm in denial, the fact of the matter still remains; I am.

I don't think this will change for a while, the service is tomorrow and I think that will be a big turning point for me. The situation may well hit me like a bomb, everything will suddenly hit me. Then again it may not. I know dad has died, I know I can never phone him up for advice again, I know he will never walk through the front door ever again. But the difference lies in simply excepting these statements or actually taking them on board, dealing with them, and experiencing how that makes you feel. I feel numb, too numb to do that right now, and I know that if I don't, I could get myself into trouble further down the road.

2) Anger. I know for a fact that Anger will not register for me.

There is no point in expressing Anger, we did everything we could for dad, Anger will not bring him back, and Anger was not a trait Dad often expressed, so I wont.
Ok to and extent I do think
'why, why my dad, why a marriage where they want to spend every waking minute with each other when there are so many other people stuck in marriages they cant stand' but its not felt on the level that constitutes 'Anger'

3) Bargaining. Dad wanted nothing more than to see me graduate. I wanted nothing more than for my family to see me graduate. He held off the Cancer as long as he could, I'd like to thing he will still see or experience me graduate from where ever he is now.

4) Depression. This can happen to anyone, often the ones you least expect, so in that respect, It may well happen to me, but id like to think that years of studying Psychology and a decent head on my shoulders that I may be able to self analyze and avoid a bout of depression. He wouldn't want us moaping around, he was a doo'er, he would want us to 'crack on' 'whats next'. But there's no denying dad was a best friend, we were so alike, we thought the same, acted the same, we were on the same wavelength, a strong unit. Everyone says it too, how well we got on. Even writing this now I know it should be effecting me more, which just reiterates a level of Denial.

5) Acceptance. Again a very blurred line between acknowledging a surface level of acceptance and actually experiencing and dealing with the situation. I can accept that dad has died, but its everything that comes with that. I think Time will bridge the loss, fill in the wholes and take us back to a place from which we can move on.


I think time is the most crucial aspect here. There is no chronological progression through the 5 stages, and not every event is experienced, As much insight as I think I may have, I do not know how time will change this situation. All I know right now is that the service of the celebration of dads life and the cremation will be massive points in the process of bereavement and will, on whatever level, play a big part in returning myself and my family to place of stability from which we can start to get on with out own lives.


Ive written a passage that I may well read at the service, I hate public speaking, and I personally dont feel the need to say anything as I have all the memories in my head, but I think it will a proud moment for dad, myself and my family. It will help me cope and hopefully set me up to get back on track.


Now that I have a small audience on here I'd like to thank everyone that has text me, phoned me, emailed me to express condolences or to make sure I'm ok. Its of great comfort knowing that you care, and every text is hugely appreciated.


Love you Dad, you will never be forgotten and I will never let you down.

Bad Day?

So you've had a bad day...

...One of Dads triumphant victories over the roof invading mice

Song of the Week #3

Panic! At The Disco are back!

My good friend Rob Dunkerley has just hooked me up with a new song from Panic! leaked onto the internet via youtube.

Hear it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qwYD6VdU51k&feature=player_embedded

Their first album 'A Fever You Cant Sweat Out' was an immediate classic and became the soundtrack to my college days, It was listened to in class via headphones up my sleeve, in friends cars, to camping trips on the River Lugg. Just listening to the likes of "Lying Is The Most Fun...", 'The Only Difference...', and of course 'Build God, Then We'll Talk' bring back very good memories :) One that comes to mind is a camping trip down the Lugg, me and Sophie had been at the Cock of Tupsley sinking large amounts of alcohol and upon our return to the Lugg i was very ill and fell into my tent and passed out, not before hearing the neighboring tent banging out some classic Panic! and my vein attempts to join in.

Their second album 'Pretty. Odd' was nothing like their first, now im not a music critic so im not even going to pretend like i am and write some flowery crap with big words but i will say that for what ever reason the second album didn't have the same effect on me as the first. This is part due to me being in New Zealand when it was released and at the time i was living in every moment i was in and spent little time keeping up with anything media related, music included. However there are few good tunes on the second album, 'She's A Hansome Women' is still up there with the classics of the first album, I can even picture the exact location of myself when i first heard it, I was sitting in a friends kitchen having just come back from a surf. She lived so close you could ride down to the beach on your bike, what a lifestyle. 'Nine In The Afternoon' another song from the second album was also pretty good, but the rest, in my opinion didn't cut it, the unique sound that made Panic! has been sucked out and replaced with Generic melodies that, ok yes his definitive voice is still there, but could have been written by anyone, they weren't Panic! songs as we knew it.

So where will the third album sit in this Panic! scale of Genius - Generic sounds?

A new song was leaked today 'The Ballad Of Mona Lisa' and I think it lays heavily towards the Genius, in fact im listening to it now and the more i listen, the closer it falls under genius. It sounds a lot like their material from the first album, which as everyone knows is a great thing, and no doubt is the wishes of everyone who has been anticipating the next album.

Im not a dedicated fan who checks various sites everyday for new information and indeed links, but I am a fan, and Panic! (particularly the first album) represent some very good times.

A Regression to their original sound is a very welcome thing indeed.

Song of the Week #2

I Blame Coco - In Spirit Golden (DC Breaks Remix)

This is a massive tune!
Turn it up and enjoy. It starts off strong and stays strong until about the last minute or so where it starts to get a bit weak. I'd soon change that but I know nothing of mixing and remixing music. This is an introduction to DC Breaks for me as well. A welcome introduction

Remix: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-fcTILz-EfA

Original: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7X8rt-yunwY&feature=related

There's a likeness to Ellie Goulding in here, even in the remix. Checkout 'Selfmachine' by I Blame Coco as well.

x

2011 - Week Two

Well, I managed to make it to Uni for the record time of three days! After the return of the Scabie outbreak there was no way I was returning to Belgrave so the Psycho coursemates kindly put me up for a few days and it was awesome! Living in a house with true mates again, it kinda felt like I was in a hostel again.

Review of the Globe Destroyer trainer...

..mega comfy, even for the first week which is usually when you go through a week of pain before they 'settle'. It took a while to set the lacing and tongue up, but once sorted they look fly! I ended up doing a lot of walking a few days and there was a little bit of un-comfortableness but I'm putting that down to the trainers bedding in.

I learnt a valuable lesson in Plymouth regarding purchasing underwear. I found some Calvin Kleins, random colour but looked cool. However, when I got home and took them out of the packet I was shocked to see that they were in fact very tight briefs! I didn't have any clean underwear so I wasnt about to take them back so now Im stuck with a pair of budgie smugglers that clamp down on your dick!

On a more positive note I picked up a basic grey tee for cheap...

Shoulder Update

I've been discharged from the Fracture Clinic in Plymouth, which means I can crack on with my next lot of surgery.

If you look just above the first horizontal screw from the left you can see where the bone broke. It hasn't re joined completely but will over time, apparently the space in between each bone segment could well be filled with calcified bone that doesn't show up on xrays.

My Shoulder operation (The original problem, the collarbone was a major spanner in the works) has been booked in for February 2nd at Oswestry or possibly the Royal Shrewsbury Hospital I cant remember which. This op will be key hole surgery with two incisions anteriorly and posteriorly in an attempt to anchor my torn ligaments etc back into place and to remove the floating cartilage.

That's about it really, I had a bit of a melt down yesterday so no doubt I will blog some more through out the week. Instead of saving everything up for an end of week blog I may just blog throughout the week.

Finally...

Left: Great Grandad, Middle: Dad, Right: Grandad (Hugh) How cool is that :)

PING!

Should not exist. It will dis-engage you from the real world and leave you Pinging at every oppertunity and living your life through your mobile phone (not that you didn't already). Social interaction should never be allowed to regress to its 'Instant' phase. With Ping you can see that a message has been sent, and you can see if it has been received, or not which ever is the case. I think texting is good enough, you send the text and forget it untill you get a response. Ping on the other hand is constantly open and you can often find yourself checking ALOT to see if the 's' for sent has magically turned into a 'r' for received. Not a good life to be living. Of course you can always argue 'Exercise some more self control'.

I think I will exercise my Self Control and delete it.

PING! You are being Deleted.

MRI Video

Just found the copy of my MRI scan. Take a look and see what you think. Its pretty cool :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GpPt-IzBdRA


The picture below is a T1 weighted Mri with an Anterior view, ie as if you were facing looking at my face. As you can see this is deep in the middle of the brain. The two white sections in the middle are ventricles and the black band going down the middle is the Corpus Collosum, this is the site at which the two hemispheres of the brain are connected! Which ironically in the past was the area that Doctors used to severe/cut in an attempt to control intractable epilepsy. Thankfully its not a technique used anymore as it had disastrous consequences.



The picture below is an anterior (front) view showing my eye sockets, mouth area and the front of the brain, mainly the pre frontal cortex which houses alot to do with our personality, mood and ability to make plans

Got plenty more pictures, if, for whatever reason you are interested!

Song of the Week #1

Mew - Comforting Sounds

No not the pokemon Mew.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4PvSbj22ZQY


Through a tough week this song has been on most nights, usually at about 1pm in the morning, great song, great band.

2011 - Week One

Well Happy New Year.

My first week of the new year has been spent in the hospice visiting and looking after Dad. He's not doing all that well sadly, alas he has had many visitors to keep his mind off his own situation. He still wakes up and says "are we going home today", breaks my heart to tell him maybe soon knowing full well he is too unwell to go home. Anyway.

On a brighter note, I finally took delivery of my new trainers. Globe Destroyer in Black/Blue Hawaiian

the day after i received them it only bloody snowed so i havnt had much chance to wear them other than around the house, they are comfy as :)

The photo heading this post was a picture I took last night, it was taken on my phone just out side the hospice in the car park, the bright light is exactly that, a bright light, our car is in the back right of the shot, and all the lights around the shot are actually beads or droplets of water on a tree/bush. By making some adjustments with contrast and exposure I managed to enhance the light hitting the beads of water making them look almost like stars. Kicking myself though as if I had a DSLR this could have been a fantastic shot.

In other news. The idiot flatmate that got scabies last term has apparently picked it up again, what a complete cock! Im going down to Plymouth on the 11th for my shoulder appointment, I was intending on staying in that house, well, now, I don't want to go anywhere near it. It would be fine if he lived by himself, but he has others to think about, and its unfair on us. Down right irresponsible, and the second time, no excuses, no sympathy, that's really pissed me off.

Well I'm afraid there is nothing else worth blogging, that photo has really prompted me to get back into photography, clearly I don't need green to get creative ;)

Cheers x