Wednesday, 28 July 2010

The 'Right' Decisions Are Never The Fun Decisions

I feel its time for some more catharsis, a lot has happened since my last post on here and it needs to be dealt with.

after my last post which outlined a seizure at the bmx track, i went to Europe with some friends to watch le Tour de France.

Its worth pointing out that a seizure severely effects your short term memory, IE when i woke up from the seizure it took me a while to remember who i was, who everyone else wasm and in fact, where i was. this SO subsides and your memory comes back. However, throughout the entirety of my time spent on mainland Europe i was completely incapable of remembering certain events from merely a few days ago. For example my friends would talk of a meal we had out a few days ago, and much to their amusement, i couldn't remember it for the life of me until details of that event were talked about.

apart from my inability to hold much in my short term memory I had a great time out there, I think! Delft is a fantastic city, everyone cruises around on vintage bicycles, baffled by nothing, bothered by no one. Canals line shop fronts and avenues of trees, its a people city, a cycle city, my kind of city! Rotterdam saw the first stage of the cycling which was fun. Though the most exciting event we witnessed was one down towards the spa region? where ever it was it was a cobbled section, so there were hundreds of cyclists pouring into a narrow, uneven cobbled road, though road insinuates it was a wide passage, it was more of a cobbled pathway. the sun was beating down and everyone was in high spirits. When the rides came through there was dust everywhere, the atmosphere was electric!

The cobbled section marked the end of our trip, from here we had a straightforward trip back to England.

at the moment of typing I'm currently on 400mg a day, that's 200mg twice daily. i feel fine, i don't think Ive changed at all, however i haven't had a good opportunity to ride my bike to find out whether just 400mg can control my seizures. I literally got my bike sorted out last night and soon after went to the bike track to test it out. all was going well and i felt good on the bike, but i soon relapsed into the tendencies of my old bike. Forgetting i was on a new bike a underestimated a jump, came up short and fell of.

Now I'm nursing a separated shoulder and 6 weeks of rest. 6 weeks from now should see me on 800mg of my meds a day, though is there any point if i wont be riding or surfing?

Ive also surrendered and handed in my drivers licence. This was a big decision i knew i was going to have to face up to at some point, id been putting it off long enough. So Ive sent my licence back to the DVLA and I'm currently waiting to hear form them about my situation and when i can start driving again.

so to follow the trend of my last post, I've gone from two seizures too three, a drivers licence complete with driving job to unemployed and with no licence, and physically healthy to a separated shoulder and rest for 6 weeks.
I thought i would be more annoyed last night, perhaps I've just given up caring to the point were i cant even be arsed to get angry anymore? or maybe that with everything that's going on with my dad I'm not in any position to whine?

by the by, I'm sure my mood will steadily worsen, especially with the prospect of a sling for a few weeks, and rest, REST, me rest? no. 6 weeks also takes me to within a few days of round 6 of the pearce cycles downhill series, so do i risk entering that? or get a refund ( i need the money) and rest my shoulder up some more so i can have a season of surfing and riding throughout the winter, i think the latter makes more sense.

Oh Ive also had a week abroad with the family, but i shall blog about that at a later date. good day to anyone who reads this!

Thursday, 8 July 2010

Gone back 10 years

Well i never thought i'd see this day.

But just what exactly has happened since my last post?

my MRI was normal which is really good, so i went away from that meeting feeling positive. Ive been riding bikes since, sometimes with no problems what so ever and other times with a clear aura/pre ictal/partial absence leaving me a little un-nerved. However last week I pushed myself a little too far at the bmx track and ended up having another seizure, my 3rd this year.

As a result i have made the decision to resume Sodium Valproate/Epilim after an interlude ov over 10years. Im currently on 100mg a day for 2 weeks before upping that to 200mg. to be honest i dont want to go anywhere near the suggested 800mg a day so im going to try and see if i can get controlled on the smallest amount possible with some investigative work involving me on my bicycle. After all it had become apparent that my trigger for these seizures is riding my bike. riding my bike is the one thing i have in life that i turn to when im feeling shit, so its ironic that biking is now the one thing that makes me feel shit via a seizure, not make me feel better and able to escape other shit.

and as for surfing...well the consequences of a seizure whilst in the water are not worth thinking about, though interestingly ive never had a pre ictal phase when surfing like i have when riding my bike. why? i have no idea, possibly something to do with body temperature? surfing's more passive relaxing nature? i dont think i will ever know.

thats another point, not knowing makes the whole situation alot more difficult to deal with, i have no idea why i have suddenly started having seizures, which has certainly made taking pills again a lot harder to swallow. that was possibly the greatest pun ever! i have no closure on the situation other than " you'll be on meds for several years, and by that i mean 3-5years" then we can look at possibly coming off the meds again...but that just creates more issues in itself. uhhh

i hate this entire situation.

so in the last 4 months i have gone from normal, to having a break through seizure, to having two more seizures, to being back on meds for several years.

2010 has not been a good year.

About Me

My photo
I started this Blog to document the amazing streak of bad luck I was having throughout 2010, I'd like to think my luck has changed for 2011...time will tell.