Wednesday, 21 August 2013

Jack of all trades

Well what a failure, I left home last November adamant that I was not coming back, yet here I am, 9 months later, back in Herefordshire.

I worked hard for a company, did what I was told and made the most of every experience I was exposed to, but after 9 months there was no where I could go (not through lack of trying). So in one fowl swoop I have hit nearly every new crappy political 'stereotype' going. I'm officially a 'Boomeranging', 'Emergent Service Worker' on a 'Zero Hour Contract'. Brilliant, but wait a minute, Zero Hour contracts are all I've ever known! Today is no different.

This month, I've mostly bin'...Labouring.

No nothing political this time, just labouring on a building site, a 'Jack of all Trades', eating 'Bait' and generally doing sod all.The stereotype of a builder, or building site goes something like this...

...Builders don't really do a lot, they seem to spend most of their time drinking tea and wolf-whistling at anything that walks with tits...

I can confirm that this is 100% true. The aim of the game on the building site, (at least for a few anyway) is to work as slowly as possible, do as little as possible, and break as often as you do fart, belch or swear, which being a builder, is a dime a dozen. I found it amazing in my first week how everyone was so relaxed, so nonchalant about work, yet as soon as the foreman arrives on site...

'...fucking hell Dickhead is here, quick lads look busy, grab a shovel or something'

We go from standing around listening to the radio, trying to guess that 'T.V Show in Reverse' theme tune, to frantically looking busy, even if it simply means pointing at something completely random and looking as if you are engaged in conversation and making very important decisions. I was blown away by the whole show. How can people be so lazy...I must admit it is wearing off on me.

From this...
Rupert (no associated bear) has been great to work with though, his conversations managed to both raise the level of intellect and completely destroy it all in one go. One minute we are talking economics, the next we are creating sexually explicit limericks about the boss.Well I've always been one for experience, and this has, and still is proving to be one I won't forget in a hurry. I have learnt a fair amount too, not only has my vocabulary for Vagina increased ten fold, but I now know a thing or two about building a house. That's not to say I'm going to build a house any time soon, or start calling a vagina a 'Badly Wrapped Kebab', but hey, knowledge is knowledge right?

                                                                    End. this.

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I started this Blog to document the amazing streak of bad luck I was having throughout 2010, I'd like to think my luck has changed for 2011...time will tell.