Sunday, 9 September 2012

I have no idea where I am, But I'm glad I'm here

I've seen some very cool sights this week.

I feel very privileged to see the sights I see, and I like to think that people want to see them too, but upon reflection I don't think people are very interested in combines, fields and 'views'. But I am.

This week has been my week, the house has been mine and mine only, a blessing. Eating what I want to eat when I want to eat it, sleeping when I want to sleep and not being woken, appreciating silence, all the small things.

The great thing about leaving an item in a house that no one else occupies is that you know for a fact that when you return for said item it will be exactly where you left it.

Although being 'alone' in a house, or rather a family home is very (pauses for thought) sad. There is no fancy word to guise such a feeling, it just feels sad.

An empty home is no home, it is a house.

Which is partly why this week I have found my emotions to be up and down like a possessed yo yo. Add into the mix farmers who constantly talk about your late father, and frankly everything becomes a bit too much to handle. The farmers talk about my dad...I think about him...I miss him...I come home...he's not here...I wake up...he's not one is here...and I suddenly feel very alone. It almost becomes tiresome, but it isn't a choice of mine, I did not choose this, it has been forced upon me, and it will never be something that I simply get over. I have taken some positives from this week though, when I'm in the right frame of mind I find it so reassuring to hear just how many farmers thought, and still think so highly of my father, with stories of how he saw them through thick and thin, and in some cases how he helped 'make' farmers careers, and with such modesty too. My dad knew he was good at what he did, but he never showed it, he just, he just lived, and he lived well, and did well at everything he did, with no showboating, he got on and did what he had to do.

Any who I'm sure I wasn't supposed to come on here and talk about my dad...again.

I've been distracted in other ways this week. I think about my dad all the time, but now, I think about a certain girl all the time as well. I'm not sure what to make of this. I've never thought about someone this much in this way before, it's scary. I know you are going to read this Nat, I think about you rather a lot, you have partially taken over my mind and I like it. I get excited thinking about you, I feel sad when I leave you, and nervous with anticipation just before I see you. I don't know what to make of it all, so I'm just 'going with it'. I have something in my life that makes me smile, and for once it is a someone, not a something.

You make me smile Nat, you make me smile a lot.

This is a photo I took this week at work. Yes, that's right, what you see in this picture is essentially my office, or rather the view I often see out of my office (van) window.

"I have no idea where I am, But I'm glad I'm here"

It's views like this that make everything worth while, and it was so nice to see how many people 'liked' this on facebook, so nice to see that I can share this with people, and it is appreciated by others.

Well anyway, since starting this post I have drunk rather a lot of alcohol and have subsequently lost the plot, intention and purpose for said post, so I shall call it a day. This week has been long, busy, emotional and draining, But despite all that, I kind of like the hustle and bustle, the business, being here one minute, there the next, and all the little quirks that make it fun along the way.

The blindingly blank pages in my life are large and cavernous, but the ones that are filled, are filled with colour, the colour of happiness, somehow balancing each other out.

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I started this Blog to document the amazing streak of bad luck I was having throughout 2010, I'd like to think my luck has changed for 2011...time will tell.