That's it, I've broken, I've had enough of Hereford. It has been slowly choking me of life for a few months now and I really cannot take it any more. My best friend is no longer here, I don't like going out in Hereford, I'm getting bored of doing everything by myself, I'm getting bored of being the only one interested in things I'm interested in. That probably sounds selfish, but what is the point in doing anything unless it makes you happy, and right now shared experiences are the only happy ones. I'm even bored of riding my bike, I'm bored of the local gym, even swimming which I have only recently taken up, it isn't going to hold my interest for much longer. I need something radical. I've always had something radical in the bag to keep myself entertained. Travelling the world for example, then uni, then competing in dh races, even rehabilitating my shoulder was something radical that gave me purpose and meaning. I strive for purpose, I strive for meaning, I strive for motivation to get out of bed in the morning.
What is my purpose, meaning and motivation right now?
Honestly I do not know. There is not much about me right now that is stopping me from merging into a nobody, permeating into society as one of those people in the streets you never notice, they are there, they make up 90% of the high street, but you don't notice them. I want to be the exciting 10% with a story, with passion, drive. I'd like to think I have been in that 10% a lot, is that arrogance? Lets call it determination and drive, all three can go hand in hand but arrogance doesn't have to be a bi product.
What can put me back in that 10%, how can I regain my purpose?
I need a new direction,