Well I've just had the shittest working day ever. I've failed at everything I've tried to do, hashed everything, and even after my colleagues had sought pitty in on and helped me out, I was still up shot creak with out a paddle. I have embarrassed and ashamed at how poorly I've handled the day. I wasn't the greatest fan of my grandfather so I didn't think the fact that it was his funeral today would effect me that much, it would seem, on some level, it has. I think it has brought up feelings about dad, and combined with a rather lonely existence in Yorkshire, and a job that is not taking me in the direction I want it to has all contributed to my complete failure as a human being today. I am angry that I have lost my father, I am angry that my family is disappearing and I am angry at how lonely that makes me feel. no problem was a real problem when I had my farther at the end of the telephone,now that I don't, everything is a problem,and that tires me no end. I've let myself down and I've let my colleagues down, and I'm sorry.