Friday, 30 April 2010

I should perhaps have looked at my last blog to see what was going on last time i blogged, but i'll 'take it from the top'.

My fantastic unlucky streak took a real turn when i had a seizure in Scotland whilst i was attending the Downhill Mountain Bike Student Champs. I was pushing my bike along the fire road to the uplift service when, well next thing i know i woke up on the floor with no idea, not a clue what was going on, who i was, who anyone was, and more importantly to me at the time, why somebody had stuck a needle in my arm!?!
it took me a good 30mins to recover from a very deep state of amnesia, i finally realised i was in scotland to ride bikes, but then the pressing issue hit me... just had a seizure.

I wont delve into my past but this isnt the first time that ive had a seizure, i was diagnosed with epilepsy a good 10 years ago, and have spend the last 6 years of my life with NO medication, NO seizures. so whats suddenly changed? I managed to go on and complete my race the following day, most people tend to sleep ALOT after a seizure, well i was in scotland and it took 10hours to get there so not racing wasnt an option. id spent most of the time immediatly before the seizure learning the track, and because of my seizure i had to race the track with little idea of where i was going, but i still managed to finish 95th beating 67% of the feild.

I spent the following week, maybe two in a complete state of denial, and very complacent about the topic if it ever properly slipped into my stream of thought. Along with the help of some very good friends i decided to tell my parents, it was the last thing the needed to hear, but in hindsight i think it was for the best.

After two weeks in denial, then a good day and copious amounts of alcohol i felt fine with the idea of just forgetting it ever happened and carrying on in life, however it soon became apparent that it wasnt going to be that simple. a few weeks after that day in scotland i had another seizure, same as before, though this time not as disorientating, presumably because this was becoming common ground, for all the wrong reasons. Since then, inbetween trying to complete coursework and revise for exams ive slotted in a meeting with a neurologist and received a MRI scan just to rule out anything nasty in my brain. though in all honesty i think i did have a "break through seizure" in scotland, and as for the second one, well it did occur in similiar condiitions to that of scotland, so it could even be classed as situational or prevoked, but honestly, not even the neurolist i saw knows for certain, but it would seem my 'epilepsy' is temporarily back.

Ive now lost my job because of what happened, and surfing and riding bikes has now gone from a leisurible hobby to a time in my life where im wondering most whether i will be having a seizure. those two hobbies are my escape from all the crap things in life, now they are a potential source of that crap. However, as a student studying psychology i think ive done well to cope with everything thats happened, espcially on top of various family issues. Saying that ive still got to get through a summer back home in the rural countryside with no car, which is going to make getting to the woods to ride, and getting to the sea to surf a real issue. The last thing i need is that trapped feeling, with no way of just escaping from everything.

I did manage to enter a race last week, and much to my suprise i managed a whole day of riding bikes, racing, and a serious piss up afterwards with no seizure, clean as a whistle, i had some funny moments, but managed to successfully ward off any seizures, LAD.

Myself and two friends managed to sneak in a surf inbetween revision and coursework deadlines, and much to my suprise i actually managed to really enjoy it, without that constant dread and worry of having a seizure, i even had some pretty nice waves. Its going to be interesting to see how things unravel, by the looks of it i might have to go back on medication for a short while just to try and keep the seizures under control...though surely if i know what situation causes them i can just avoid that situation altogether? i guess for now i just have to wait for theMRI results and hope they are clear...then take it from there.

untill then...

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I started this Blog to document the amazing streak of bad luck I was having throughout 2010, I'd like to think my luck has changed for 2011...time will tell.